treat me like a college textbook. spend lots of money on me but never touch or look at me
no. treat me like your favorite book. keep me by your side, touch my every page, learn all my twists and turns, remember every word I say, even the ones that make you cry
*4-second-long fart noise*
wait if eve ate the apple then why the fuck is it called an adam’s apple
because she ate the apple, and then convinced adam to eat the apple as well so that she wouldn’t be alone, but the piece he bit off got stuck in his throat.
It got stuck because at the exact moment he was swallowing, God jumped out from behind a bush like
“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!”
People always want to know what it feels like, so I’ll tell you. there’s a sting when you first slice, and then your heart speeds up when you see the blood, because you know you’ve done something you shouldn’t have, and yet you’ve gotten away with it. Then you sort of go into a trance, because…
Let me take this opportunity to hijack your post and add some clearly obvious information that everyone knows. But, I’m going to ignore the fact that everyone knows this incredibly commonplace information and instead tell you regardless so I can feel better than you. And I’m going to do it condescendingly, too, because I think everyone else is an idiot because I know this one thing. Let me tell you a thing.